With You
by archard-winchester
Summary: He'd never really appreciated these times before, these simple moments of peace with his brother. Set in 'Without You' verse
1. Chapter 1 : Return

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: He'd never really appreciated these times before, these simple moments of peace with his brother.

**A/N**: Since my other story 'Without You' is kind of on hold for lack of ideas, I'm going to give you guys a sneak-peek into the boy's future. I actually thought of these series of one-shots before and the other story was going to be a one chapter thing showing how the boys got to this point. Well, that one became a multi-chapter thing, but this one is going to be a series of pretty much independent one-shots.

* * *

Drinking beer on the hood of the Impala in the moonlight. Sam never thought he'd be doing this again. And if anyone had asked him a few months back, he'd have said he didn't even want to. After all, what's the point of enjoying a moment's peace with your brother when there were things to hunt out there?

What was the point? The point was that he'd spent so much of their lives grieving over what he'd lost and trying desperately to protect what he might, that he'd never taken the time to appreciate what he had. The point was, no matter how hard he tried, he could never kill all the monsters, never save all the people and if it weren't for these moments, he'd lose himself trying to accomplish that. The point was, no matter however good life was at the moment, it could all turn to hell at a moment's notice and no amount of precaution or forethought could ever protect them, so they might as well enjoy the moment. The point was that moments like this were what made him happy, what made life worth living and wasn't that the whole point of life itself? His brother had taught him that, had been trying to teach him for as long as Sam could remember, only he hadn't been listening.

His brother was a strange one. All that strength and fear, darkness and light, profound wisdom and great inanity rolled into one great package. The man could stand up to a roomful of Gods and arch-angels and tell them what to do, but was afraid of flying. He could outwit heaven and hell itself and still stumbled on long words. He could devise horrific tortures for demons they were questioning but would go to any lengths to save the three-year old girl who was possessed. A mass of contradictions, who, perhaps for that very reason could be there with Sam, enjoying a beer. Who, even after all he'd seen and done, and knew Sam to have seen and done worse, could appreciate their life together again. If a person's identity was constantly changing, then Sam could say without a doubt that he was turning into a better person now. He wanted and needed different things from life now and he was confident that if he died, this would most definitely be one of the memories he'd want to relive in heaven. If they were truly soul-mates, then he could be sure that Dean won't be disappointed by his version of heaven this time around, because Dean would be in every one of his memories. He just wished there was some way he could tell Dean that without being ridiculed for being an over-emotional, hormonal, teenage girl.

Sam's eye caught something glinting in the moonlight near Dean's chest as he bent down to pick another bottle of beer. It was the amulet. When had Dean started wearing that again? He was sure Dean didn't have it a few weeks ago when he asked Sam to rejoin him on the road. He didn't even remember seeing it this morning, but Dean usually wore so many layers that it could have easily been there for weeks, hidden under the T-shirt. He remembered fishing it out of the trashcan, where Dean had dropped it in despair and leaving it with Bobby, promising himself that he'd give it back to Dean someday. Someday, when Dean had really and truly forgiven him and wanted to be his brother again. Someday, when he might feel that he had finally made up for all the crap he'd put Dean through. Someday, when he felt like he really deserved to be Dean's little brother again. Someday, when he felt right and worthy, because Dean had always been worthy of the present but Sam hadn't been worthy of giving it to him.

Sam had had vague plans for the day. Probably accompanying some great gesture of how much his brother meant to him. But apparently Dean had just found it and taken it back. Just like that. No fanfare, no emotional scene, no declaration of undying love and devotion, just acceptance. Like he'd quietly accepted the fact that the necklace belonged around his neck. Like he'd accepted the fact that Sam belonged by his side.

"When did you start wearing that again?" Sam asked, pointing to the amulet.

"What?" Dean asked looking down at his chest. "You mean the God-finder?" Not the name Sam would've chose. Probably 'The Eternal Symbol of Their Brotherly Bond'. "A few weeks for now. Found it at Bobby's sometime ago. Thought it was time I took back what's mine."

Sam felt a warm glow at those words.

"Besides, found some lore on it." Dean added. "I thought it might prove useful on hunts."

"Hunts? I thought it could just find God."

"Yeah, Cas was wrong about that." Dean explained. "It doesn't find just God, it finds Gods. Any Gods. It probably becomes lukewarm when in presence of small-timers like Leshi and grows hotter as they go up the paygrade. Kali would probably burn a hole through my chest."

Sam laughed at that. It wasn't a full-hearted guffaw of hilarity, more like a deep-throated chuckle, but it was a genuine laugh. It came from his heart and reached all the way up to his eyes and it made Dean smile in return. Sam hadn't laughed like that for quite some time now and he hadn't even realized that he'd wanted to.

Want. That was a strange thing. How easily and quickly it changed with new priorities in life. Sam had wanted a lot of things from his life, through life. He had wanted stability as a child, a chance to make friends. He had wanted normal and safe existence. He had wanted to be human, untainted by the blood running through his veins. Then he had revenge on things that had taken everything away from him. And whenever his brother had not been beside him, whether by choice or fate, he had wanted nothing more than Dean. But through it all, he had never wondered what Dean wanted. Sure, he had thrown the question around in a bid to free Dean from his unthinking, unquestioning slavery of their father's orders and the work he had put Dean to. And the only time he had cared enough to give Dean what he wanted, he had just assumed. Transferred his own lost dreams and desires onto Dean's psyche and forced him to love a normal life while grieving for his dead brother. But he'd never once heard from his brother what he wanted. His brother might have told him sometimes, but he was never paying any attention. Well, he was listening now.

"Dean why did you agree to hunt with me again?" Okay, not the best way to ask as it was still about him, but it was a way to start. Maybe work his way up to Dean's hopes and dreams. "I mean, did you really want me back in your life or were you just being a good brother?"

"Don't you think a good brother _would_ want you back in his life, Sammy?" Dean questioned back.

"Not after everything I have done."

Dean smiled, looking down at his beer bottle, lost in thought.

"Do you remember when you gave this to me, Sammy?" Dean asked, pointing to his amulet. "You were, I don't know, some seven years old, you had just found out that monsters were real, you were holding onto it for Dad, but you found out that he wasn't coming back for Christmas and I had gotten you some crappy gifts from the gas-mart. You remember that?"

"Yeah. And you'd stolen some little girls presents and told me they were from Dad."

"Yeah. And when you gave this to me, I felt like the greatest guy in the world. The way you looked at me back then, I felt that there was nothing I couldn't do and even if I failed, I knew it wouldn't matter, because you won't love me any less, no matter what I did. So, to answer your question, all I've ever wanted is a little brother who looks at me like that, you know? One who loves me no matter what."

"And that's it? That has been the sum of your hopes and dreams all your life?"

"Hey, I got a loving family waiting for me back home. I got a fugly to kill tomorrow. I got a surly old hunter for a father and I got an angel for a best friend. And I got the world's best little brother who wants to be a part of it all, the good and the bad. What more could I want?"

He didn't agree with the last part, Sam thought twirling the now empty bottle of beer in his hands. He wasn't the world's best little brother, not by a long shot. But Dean certainly thought so. So he would try. Try like hell to be good enough for Dean, try like hell to be worthy of Dean's love and affection, because, at that moment, Sam realized, he didn't want anything more either. Sam sighed, firming his resolve and looked up at the stars once again.

"You know, in Hindu Mythology, the Pole-Star is supposed to be a person." He looked at Dean, saw him raise his eyebrows, interested, and continued. "He is supposed to be a son of a king who was banished by his step-mother. Literally kicked off his father's lap at the age of five. So he prayed long and hard to God and asked for a place no one would ever be able to move him from, ever again. So God gave him a place in the heavens and while all the stars move, that one stays stationary in the north."

Dean looked at him for a moment.

"Geek." And with that, handed him a beer to replace his empty bottle.

Sam took it with a thanks, which was meant for more than just the beer. Because he knew that he didn't have to ask God for a place where no-one could move him from. His place was right beside his brother.

* * *

That's all for now. I'll continue this story after the prequel is finished.


	2. Chapter 2 : Remediation

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: Family stayed together in sickness or in health. Well, this was sickness.

**A/N**: Hey everyone. Another one in my cataloging Sam and Dean's life after Sam came back.

* * *

Bobby felt more than heard the loud rumble of Impala and the squeal of tyres as it came to a stop in front of his house. It wasn't the usual laid back sound that signaled the arrival of the Winchesters for a few days of downtime. This was a frantic, panic-driven sound, which meant desperation, usually one of the Winchesters badly injured. Dread rising in his chest, bobby ran to the front door. As he made to the porch he saw Sam get an unconscious Dean out of the passenger seat. Dean didn't seem to be very bad off, no massive bleeding or bones stuck at unusual angles.

"What the hell is going on?" Bobby asked, stepping down from the porch.

Sam seemed to ignore the question as he rushed past him into the house.

"Get the room ready." Sam said tersely. "I meant to call you, but didn't get a chance."

"What's going on?" "What happened?" Two voices simultaneously said from the kitchen door. Damn, Bobby had completely forgotten about them. Lisa and Ben had been on a mother-son bonding road-trip and decided to stop by at Bobby's for a while. Whatever happened to Dean, he couldn't have ended up there at a worse time.

"What are you guys doing here?" Sam looked at them, horrified. The, as if deciding it didn't matter he said, "Look, just get in the kitchen and stay there. I'll explain everything later. Bobby, help me with him."

In shock, Bobby followed Sam quietly. He didn't realize it until they were at the door, but Sam hadn't headed for the upstairs bedroom or the couch, which were the usual places to deposit Dean after a rough hunt. He had brought them to the panic room.

"Bobby, a little help here." Sam said, laying Dean down on the bed and fastening the restraints on his hands.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on?" Bobby replied.

"Croats." Sam answered and that one word made Bobby's heart sink. The Croatoan virus. Pestilence's gift to mankind. Looking over Bobby noticed a cut on Dean's forearm. If Dean had gotten infected – then - then.

"You let him get infected?" Bobby shouted at Sam.

"No." Sam replied. It wasn't a defensive 'no' or a counter-accusation. It was full of disgust, as if Sam couldn't even imagine something like that. "No. They got the jump on both of us. They infected us both. I'm immune, but they didn't know that. As soon as we got free, I knocked him out and bolted."

Bobby started figuring out all possible scenarios. Killing Dean was out of question. They needed a cure. Wait a minute – they had a cure.

"Did you try that sigil Castiel came up with?" Bobby asked. "The one that puts anything unnatural out of the system?"

"First thing I did." Sam replied, pulling aside Dean's collar and showing Bobby the fading sigil. "The second thing was to transfuse some of my own blood, in case it gives him immunity."

"And?"

"And I don't know if it worked." Sam said. "I have kept him knocked out ever since. I couldn't risk him waking up some unsecure place."

Bobby sighed with relief. They were smart, those Winchesters. Sam had clearly done everything he could at the moment. Now it was just a question of waiting. As if on cue, Dean chose that moment to re-enter the world of the awake.

"Sam? What the hell's going on?" He asked groggily. "Why am tied up?"

"You remember anything?" Sam asked. "About what happened?"

"We were – we were hunting some croats. An outbreak." Bobby watched as horror dawned on Dean's face. "Oh my God. They infected me. They bled on me. Sam you used that sigil on me right? The one I taught you? You have to hurry. It won't work once I change."

"Yeah, I did." Sam assured.

"Thanks Sammy. You are a lifesaver." Dean said, relieved. "You can let me go then. Me and Cas tried that before. It works on the virus. I will be fine."

"Really?" Sam asked, looking confused.

"Yeah. Trust me. Let me go now."

"I think you should stay put for now." Sam said, ushering Bobby out of the room. "Just to be sure."

Ignoring Dean's confused look and closing the door behind him, Sam turned to Bobby.

"Did Dean ever tell you about any hunt where he used that sigil on the Croats?" Sam asked.

"No. But Dean hasn't told me about all his hunts." Bobby answered. "What's the matter Sam? If Dean says he's gonna be fine - "

"That's the thing, Dean wouldn't say that." Sam explained. "You know him Bobby. He wouldn't let us set him free until he was a hundred percent sure. At the very least he would ask us to keep him under watch."

"Sam, c'mon. Don't you know your own brother." Dean shouted from behind the door. "You promised you'd trust me. So trust me on this. I'll be fine. Just let me outta here."

Bobby and Sam exchanged worried glances.

"Bobby." Sam said. "I don't think Dean made it."

* * *

"The Croatoan virus is a kind of demonic virus." Sam explained, taking a drink from his glass of whiskey. Lisa and Ben sat on the opposite side of the table, listening intently to every word, while Bobby started going calling every hunter he knew for a possible cure. "It basically turns people rabid. Violent. They become something other than themselves, some kind of monsters and their only purpose becomes to kill others or spread the virus."

"How does it spread?" Lisa asked. Clearly worried about Ben's safety.

"Through blood transfusion. The Croats cut you and then cut themselves and then bleed on you. Its infection rate is hundred percent as far as we know, so when we see a Croat we kill it."

"Isn't there a cure or something?"

"Bobby's trying to find one." Sam answered. "But as far as I know, there isn't one. We have only come across this thing a few times. The first time, the whole infected population disappeared off the face of the earth within twenty-four hours. Ever since then, we have killed every one of them we could. And I don't think that this is a kind of virus that goes away on its own."

"Why weren't you infected?" Ben asked, accusation clear in his voice.

"I was, but I'm immune." Sam replied."I don't know how much Dean has told you about our history, but there is something in my blood that makes me immune to the virus."

At the mention of Dean's name, both of them turned towards the noises coming from the basement. Throughout the conversation, Dean had kept up his steady screams for help. He had been continuously shouting out his innocence and begging for someone, anyone to save him. Sam wished Lisa and Ben didn't have to see Dean like this. He knew that Dean wouldn't have wanted their last memory of him as a rabid animal. Apparently Ben couldn't take it either, as he excused himself to go outside and get some fresh air.

"Sam what's going to happen to Dean?" Lisa asked, scared for her family. "I mean, if you don't find a cure?"

"Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves." Sam comforted. "We'll find a cure. We have to. I'm not losing Dean to this."

Sam wished those words could inspire the same confidence in him as they did in Lisa.

"So how much longer till he turns – you know- rabid?" Lisa asked.

"He has already turned." Sam said, surprised. "Can't you tell?"

"But you said that the virus turns them violent. All Dean has been doing is scream for help."

"It doesn't turn them stupid, Liz. Dean knows that he can't do anything while he is tied up. So he is doing everything he can to get free." Sam explained. "You know Dean. You think that there is even a little chance that he would risk hurting you guys. If it had really been him down there, he'd have been begging us to kill him."

Lisa nodded and Sam took comfort in the fact that atleast he wasn't facing this alone. They sat in uncomfortable silence for some time. Wait a minute. Silence? Dean's screams had stopped. They had stopped quite some time ago and they had been so busy drowning them out that they hadn't noticed it.

"Lisa." Sam asked looking around. "Where is Ben?"

* * *

"Ben, c'mon son, just let me free." Dean looked at Ben with pleading eyes.

Ben hadn't actually meant to go into the panic room. He had just wanted to see Dean, to make sure with his own eyes that Sam hadn't made a mistake. But Dean had seem so sad, so vulnerable. Like the times he came home hurt from a hunt but putting up a brave face in front of him.

"Ben you know me. You are like a son to me." Dean begged. "Please, don't do this to your father."

"But Sam said -" Ben started.

"Sam's wrong." Dean interrupted. "Hey, remember what I told you about Sam? About why I stopped hunting with him?"

"You said Sam had made a lot of mistakes." Ben replied, unsure. "That he could put us in danger. And you wouldn't hunt with him until you were sure that wasn't gonna happen."

"That's right Ben. Sam is making another mistake right now." Dean explained. "If Sam becomes convinced that I'm infected, he'll kill me."

"No, Sam said - "

"He lied, okay." Dean said forcefully. "Sam lies. All I wanna do is to protect you and your mother. I'm not the bad guy here. You know that right? I would never do anything to hurt you."

Still unsure of himself, Ben made his way to the bed and started loosening the bonds.

"Ben, no." Sam burst in through the doorway. "Get away from him."

Physically pushing Ben away from Dean, Sam started making sure that none of the restraints had actually been loosened.

"Just go to your mother, okay?" Sam commanded over his shoulder.

"Ben, don't listen to him. He is the one that is wrong here. Fight for me son. Just cut me loose you little bitch." Dean screamed out the last part in frustration as Lisa entered the room. "What, you are too afraid to make your own choices? You just do anything mommy tells you to? Just be a man and let me loose. Grow a pair for God's sake."

Lisa clutched Ben close to her as Dean poured vitriol at them.

"Just wait till I get free, you cunt." Sam couldn't be sure whether Dean was talking to Lisa or Ben. "I'll fuck you up in so many ways. And you know the funny thing. No one's even gonna notice that you are gone, you worthless pieces of shit. No one cares about you. The world will be a better place without you in it. You whole family, they are gonna thank me for getting rid of you."

"Lisa, Ben, don't listen to him." Sam said, finally making sure Dean was secure and turning around.

"Ben, you know why your mom never told you who your daddy was?" Dean asked and against their better judgment, all three of them turned around. "That's because mommy is such a slut, she doesn't even know. She was just spreading her legs for any guy who came along and one of them got unlucky. She still does, you know? God knows how many brothers and sisters you have out there. Clearly, you are the one she hated most, because she kept you with him."

Sam could see that Lisa was trying to be strong, but she was very close to tears. He couldn't let Dean have this victory, because later on, it would mean that much pain to his Dean. He hurriedly ushered them out with instructions not to come back again.

"You enjoying this Sam?" With no weaker person in sight, Dean turned on Sam. "All those times I shoved you in this hole, must feel nice to get some payback."

"You think I like this?" Sam asked. "You want me to believe that you liked throwing me in here?"

"Ohh, best time of my life, Sammy." Dean answered with a feral grin. "I loved watching you writhe in pain. The worst part was when I had to let you out. I would have gladly let you rot in here. I just can't wait till I get the chance again."

He had unconsciously given his brother another weapon to hurt him with. Steeling himself Sam slammed the door of the panic room shut.

* * *

Lisa's hands shook as they accepted a glass of whiskey from Sam.

"You were right." She said in a shaking voice. "I didn't know whether to believe you, but you were right about Dean."

"That's not Dean in there." Sam said, trying to be as comforting as possible. "Please, you have to believe that."

"The things he said, you think some part of him actually believes that? It wouldn't just come out of nowhere."

"You think he'd have married you if he did?" Sam countered. "That thing only wants to hurt you. He'll say anything. Lisa, Dean is crazy about you. Please don't punish him for something that isn't his fault."

"You try telling that to the kid who worships him." Lisa started crying. "I told Dean once, if he did anything to hurt Ben - "

"Don't let this ruin what you have." Sam begged. "Dean's a great guy, the very best and you know that. We are gonna fix him, I promise."

Lisa nodded tearfully. One Braeden down, Sam thought. No, not Braeden, Winchester. She was Dean's wife now. And now Sam had to go and give the same talk to Ben. Ben still didn't trust him, that much was clear. In the single hunt where they had been together, Sam had been less than nice to him. He had hoped to gain his trust over time, but now he had to do that now, for Dean's sake.

Sam found Ben outside, leaning against Bobby's shed. Now that he was alone, Ben made no effort to stop the tears from flowing down his face.

"That's not Dean in there." Ben said resolutely as Sam approached. "It can't be. Dean would never say those things."

Sam put a comforting hand over his shoulder. It used to be that in situations like this, Sam would be the one who needed comforting, who needed assurance that he wasn't going to lose his big brother. But he had to be the stronger person here. There were people depending on him for support. Dean's family was counting on him.

"I know kid." Sam agreed. "That's not Dean."

"I almost let him out." Ben was horrified.

"Don't feel bad." Sam said. "Time was I would have done the same thing."

"What's gonna happen to him? Will we have to kill him?"

"No." Sam replied forcefully. "We'll save him, okay. I promise."

"I don't get it. You are immune. Why isn't Dean the same way?" Ben asked.

"It's a really long and complicated story." Sam said, silently cursing his own demon blood. The one thing – the one damn thing it could have been good for and it was useless. But maybe all was not lost, Sam thought as an idea presented itself to him. Maybe his blood could save Dean after all.

"Ben, listen. I might have to go away for some time." Sam said. "There might be someone I know who might know a cure and it might take a few days to get it. While I'm gone, I need you to hold fort here with your mom, okay?"

Ben nodded.

"Another thing." Sam added. "While I'm gone, you and your mom are not to go to Dean under any circumstances. Anything, food water, whatever needs to be taken care of, Bobby will do it. You two do not see him. Understand?"

"What does it matter?" Ben asked. "I'm not gonna free him, not like this. I know that it's not him."

"Yes, but that thing will say things to make you angry. He will do anything he can to hurt you." Sam explained. "And if it succeeds, our Dean would be devastated. Trust me, he is gonna feel real bad about all this when he comes back. I don't want you to make it any worse."

"But – but it's not his fault." Ben reasoned.

"That won't matter to Dean." Sam answered. "Just promise me."

After getting Ben's word for it, Sam went inside to face Bobby.

* * *

"Are you insane?" Bobby shouted. "The Campbells? In case you forgot, they kept you in a cage for days. They did experiments on you like an animal. And you wanna go back to them?"

"I'm not seeing a choice here." Sam said desperately. "They took the blood from me to develop a cure. Maybe they succeeded. Either way, we can't do anything less than absolutely everything to save Dean. You know he'd do the same."

"Yeah, I know." Bobby admitted. "But I'm not letting you go there Sam. There is no telling if they try to get you again. Just – just give me the address and I'll go get the antidote if they have it."

"And I just sit here?" Sam asked back. "I don't think so."

"Well, you better." Bobby ordered. "Look, Lisa and Ben, they need you here. You are the only connection they have to Dean right now. Besides, if the answer lies in your blood, your brother's gonna need more of it. You better stay here and keep putting more of it in him. Sam, your brother needs you here."

Sam caved to Bobby's logical arguments. Half an hour later, Bobby was prepared for the short road-trip. This was going to be hell, he thought. It would be like dealing with Crowley all over again.

* * *

**A/N**: I was going to put all of it in one part, but decided to make it into two chapters. Ever since last episode, seeing Sam's honesty, I've been feeling a bit better about him. That was the only reason I was able to write this.


	3. Chapter 3 : Rehabilitation

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: They had to find a cure, they just had to. Sam couldn't lose Dean. Not after everything.

**A/N**: Here's the next chapter.

* * *

"You are enjoying this, aren't you?" Dean said snidely. "You just love beating your brother up, show me how much stronger you are. Like the time you picked Ruby over me."

"Yeah, I would just love to hit you right now." Sam replied tightly.

With Bobby headed towards the Campbell compound, the job of taking care of Dean fell to Sam. As much as he hated seeing his brother like this, Sam just couldn't let him starve and besides, he had to almost constantly change Dean's blood IV's to keep him on his own demon-tainted blood.

Bound up as Dean was, his words were the only weapons available to him and he used them to devastating effect. Even at his angriest at Sam, Dean had always held back, but now he was proving that if he knew exactly what to say to push his buttons, to make it hurt worse than any demon could. The fact that he seemed rational enough to accept food from Sam made it so much worse.

"You really think you are gonna end up being a hero on this one?" Dean asked. "That you magically save your big brother from some virus and everything you have done, it'll be just wiped clean?"

Sam didn't reply.

"Or maybe you think that you are already forgiven?" Dean continued. "Which is it, Sam? You really think that I don't have a right to be mad at you, to want to chop you up in little pieces, after everything you did to me?"

So this is what Dean could become, if he turned into a demon, Sam thought. He sincerely hoped that they would up in heaven, because world wouldn't be able to take a demon-Dean.

"Time to change your IV." Sam said, putting down the mashed potatoes, and taking out a blood bag to change the empty one. "Try to stay still."

"Oh, I see. So your plan is to turn me into a freak like you." Dean taunted. "Infect me with demon blood. Turn me into a monster like you. Why Sam? So I'd get where you were coming from?"

"You already are a monster." Sam said, and immediately regretted the words.

"Is that right?" Dean smirked. "So why don't you just kill me already? C'mon, it won't be something you have never done before. Instead of taking the coward's way out and leaving me to die, just do it yourself this time. Or won't you be able to live with the fact that you failed me once again."

Sam closed his eyes and told himself that it wasn't Dean. It wasn't, no matter how much he looked and sounded like him, how much his words made sense. Dean would never hurt his little brother like this. _Bobby, you better come back fast._

_

* * *

_

The Campbell's were a suspicious bunch, Bobby thought as his car rolled into the compound. Still, they could have let a person in before doing the salt-water-silver test at the gate. Walking into the base, Bobby ignored the looks of hostility and took his seat as if he belonged there. Apparently, Grandpa was out on a hunt, Bobby thought, as Christian limped into the room. It was unfortunate. Of all the Campbells, Christian was the one least likely to help them.

"Having a good day, Sunshine?" Bobby greeted.

Christian might have scowled in response, Bobby couldn't tell. Dean's handiwork on him while looking for Sam had left some permanent reminders.

"So what brings you here to our neck of the woods?" Christian asked, inspite of the fact that Bobby had told him over the phone.

"Heard you might have an antidote for the Croatoan virus." Bobby answered. "I need it to help a friend."

"Which friend? The Winchesters? Its gotta be them. Nothing else would get you to humiliate yourself like this." Christian's smirk looked more like a grimace. "Sam's immune, so it's gotta be Dean. It is, isn't it?" He laughed. "Well, isn't that just perfect? Dean Winchester, the high and mighty hunter, taken down by the lowly Croatoan virus."

"He took care of you, didn't he?" Bobby couldn't resist. "Look, you gonna help or not?"

"Even if we had the antidote, why would I want to help Dean?" Christian asked. "Because he is a fellow hunter? In case you didn't notice, I can't be a hunter anymore because of him."

"This has nothing to do with that." Bobby said. "You brought that upon yourself when you took Sam. For once, do the right thing."

"And helping Dean is the right thing? We got a limited number of shots of this thing, since Sam escaped and Dean killed the guy who made the stuff. I think it would be better if we save them. You know, in case one of us ever needs it."

"You have any idea who you are messing with here, kid?" Bobby asked angrily.

"Yeah, I know." Christian answered. "Bobby Singer, once a great hunter, now reduced to being the Winchester's butler."

"Oh, I'm so much worse than that, that I hope you never have to find out." Bobby replied. "But I'm not the one you should be worried about. Dean Winchester is the man who could move entire heaven by snapping his fingers. You think they are going to be happy when he makes it up there? You really think they are going to be happy, finding out you had a chance to help him and you didn't? And then there is Sam. You really wanna piss off a guy who took down Lucifer? Go ahead, call your Grandpa. Call any hunter you know. Ask them what happens when you mess with the Winchesters."

Christian got up coldly and limped out of the room. Bobby didn't know if he called Samuel to get permission, but five minutes later he came back in with a vial of red liquid in his hands.

"Here you go." He said, putting it on the table. "We actually don't know if this thing works. It has never been tested before. So don't come after us if this fails."

Bobby held out his hand to take it, but Christian made no move to hand it over.

"I want you to know that this means we are square." Christian said. "I don't care if this actually fixes Dean o not. We are doing a big thing by just giving this to you. We do this and the plate is wiped clean. We are even."

"I'll tell you when we are even." Bobby said calmly.

They locked eyes for a moment, engaged in a silent battle of wills. Then quietly Christian handed over the antidote.

* * *

"You think it's working?" Sam said, peering through the slot in the door into the panic room. "Does he look better to you?"

"You are the one looking at him." Bobby replied. "How does he look?"

"Well, he has got a fever." Sam answered. "He is pale and sweating. But that just might be my blood."

"Your demon blood is making him sick?"

"No. Dean and I are not blood compatible." Sam explained. "I'm type A. When another blood type is introduced in the system, the body attacks it. He might be sick for quite a few days."

"What type is Dean?"

"O." Sam answered.

"Figures." Bobby smirked. "Universal donor."

Sam smiled at the unusual compliment to his brother.

"I'm gonna kill you all." Dean shouted from inside. "I know you are out there Sam. You let me out of here, you let me live and I'll kill you and everyone you love."

Bobby's heart sank. Ofcourse it wouldn't be this easy, it never was.

"Sam, Christian said it might take some time." Bobby sought to comfort Sam as much as himself.

"No, Bobby, I think that's Dean in there." Sam said quietly.

"Really?" Bobby asked, confused. "Which part of your brother you see threatening to kill you?"

"The really messed up part." Sam answered. "You know Dean. You know that he would never want to risk hurting us. He still isn't sure that the thing is out of his system. So he's trying to get us to kill him. That sound like Dean to you?"

"Kinda." Bobby was still not convinced.

"Think about it. If it was still the virus, He would be saying that he was cured, just to get out."

"I guess." That made sense, Bobby thought. "But you can't just let him out on that."

"I know. I have an idea."

* * *

"You want me to what?" Lisa asked. "I'm not going into the same room as that thing."

"Look, Lisa, this is the only way to make sure." Sam explained. "If it is Dean in there, he would threaten to kill you, threaten anything to convince you to kill him. But if it's the virus, He would try to convince you that he was cured. Either that or he would try to hurt you with words."

"Well, what if that thing has also figured this out? What if it's trying to use this reverse psychology to convince you that it's Dean?"

"That's why we want you to go in there." Sam answered. "Look, even if Dean is trying to scare you, he'll never say anything to really hurt you. Dean will know when to pull his punches. That thing will have no such limits."

It didn't take much further argument to convince Lisa. She loved his brother, Sam knew that, and she understood Dean like no other woman had. Sam also knew that Lisa would anything to get his brother back, they all would.

Dean was definitely sick, Lisa thought as she entered the panic room. He was feverish, restless, pale and almost out of it. Almost, since he saw him stiffen up as she entered the room. She had seen that look on Dean's face before. It wasn't the first time Dean had tried to push her away to protect her from himself. Every time he tried to appear like a callous jerk, trying to convince her that she would be better off without him, but she had always seen through it and it had always made her love him even more.

"I'm gonna enjoy killing you, you know." Dean said grimly, and it was clear that he took no pleasure in those words. "If you let me live, you and Ben won't live long enough to regret it. Neither will rest of your family. I'll hunt them down one by one and kill them all."

Apparently Dean was a bad actor when he was sick, Lisa realized. She could see the despair in his eyes, begging her to believe him and go away. Resolutely, she made her way to his bed and caressed the side of his face.

"You sure you don't want to have some fun with me before you do that?" She asked.

A brief look of surprise flashed through Dean's face before he covered it up. There was no answering leer, no sadistic pleasure in his face. This was Dean, her Dean, who was once again trying to push her away.

"You are only any good to me as a corpse." Dean replied, but couldn't meet Lisa's eyes this time.

A resounding slap echoed through the room. Dean looked up shocked as Lisa stood up and turned towards the door.

"You can set him free." She called to someone beyond the door. "I think he's fine now."

"What -?" Dean started asking, confused, as Sam entered with a big grin on his face.

"You really had us going there for a moment." Sam said, loosening Dean's bonds. "It's okay Dean, you are fine now."

"Sam – no -" Dean weakly tried to resist Sam's attempts to take out the IV needle from his arm.

"Has he been cured? I came as soon as I could." A voice said from the door, making both Lisa and Sam jump. Lisa turned around, defensively putting herself between Dean and the stranger taking out the knife she had brought to the room.

"Lisa, it's okay." Sam assured. "It's Castiel."

"The angel?"

"Yeah." Sam turned towards the heavenly being. "Cas, where the hell have you been? I've been calling you non-stop. I even tried using Dean's ring. He needed you here."

"The ring could only be used by its owner." Castiel explained. "I sincerely apologize. I could not hear your prayers, I had gone to another time to look for – well, it doesn't matter. Believe me, I came as soon as I heard."

"Well, your sigil was useless." Sam said. "What the hell, Cas? I thought it was specifically designed for this sort of thing."

"The sigil has to be modified for individual creatures." Cas answered. "I never came up with the modification to counter the Croatoan virus. There was never any need. It's fortunate that you didn't need me after all. Dean seems to be fine."

Sam and Lisa turned back towards Dean, who had finally lost the struggle with the fever and slipped into unconsciousness. His brow was hot, too hot, Sam realized as he felt it. The blood transfusion between them had always left Dean weak and sick for days.

"Is he really fine?" Sam asked Castiel. "You sure he is cured right?"

"Yes." Castiel replied. "As an angel I can see the demonic taint in a person. Dean is free from the virus, I can assure you."

"Okay, so fix him then. Make him all better."

"I do not believe that to be a good idea." Castiel said. "I think it would be best if we allow your blood to assimilate with his. He will not develop any traits like you, it's too late in his life, but hopefully he would acquire the same immunity."

Sam sighed. Castiel was right. But that meant they had to deal with a sick Dean for the next few days. Especially a sick and guilty Dean. This was definitely not going to be easy.

* * *

Haze. A smoky, numbing cocoon of haze surrounded him for he didn't know how long. It had to be the drugs, the antibiotics and the painkillers that kept him from feeling the pain and the fever. And he didn't deserve it. Even though he couldn't remember why, Dean knew he didn't deserve to feel this comfortable. That was why he rejoiced in the intermittent moments of clarity. The moments when he woke up shivering violently under layers of blankets. The moments when his stomach revolted and he threw up in a conveniently placed bucket next to the bed. The moments when he was conscious and felt as if every nerve in his body was on fire. That was what he deserved to feel, not this comfortable fog that made him feel like he was floating in clouds.

Dean tried to remember what had happened, what had led him to end up sick in a bed. He was obviously being taken care of. Through the fog he sometimes felt gentle, soothing hands wiping his brow. Sometimes there would be a huge body next to him, washing him and changing him. Sometimes a much smaller one, that of a boy, wrapped around him keeping him comfortable. Sometimes, a gruff voice told him to take his medicine, which he did unthinkingly. And always there would be some comfortable presence around him, like a fire burning at a distance that kept him warm in the fog.

He should have stayed in the fog, Dean thought when he finally regained consciousness. He would have given anything not to remember the reasons why he felt he didn't deserve the comfort. He had become a monster. He had hurt the people closest to him and he would give anything to take back the things he had said, but he couldn't. He wasn't ready to face the consequences, the guilt and he wanted to go back to the comfortable haze once more.

Dean looked around as he painfully got up from the bed. He was alone, as expected. No comforting presence on the chair next to him. No brother or wife or son or father anywhere to be seen. Well, he couldn't really expect them to stick around after everything. His mind had probably made everything up in an attempt to shield him from reality. Probably there had never been a comforting presence in the room.

Well, he had had a good run. He had known happiness for a while and he had now lost it through his own fault. He always did this, did something to screw everything up. He had known it wouldn't last forever, but he had never expected it all to end like this. Lisa and Ben were probably long gone by now, never wanting to see him again. He'd probably find divorce papers in the next mailbox he checked. He couldn't expect them to forgive him after the things he had said. And Sam, well, his debt was repaid. He had saved Dean from himself, and now was probably off on a hunt. Maybe with the Campbells, who had helped him save Dean. Bobby would be still here and probably was just waiting for Dean to be well enough to get the hell out of his house. He could picture himself making his way back downstairs and Bobby coldly asking him to leave and never call him again. Cas, well, he knew of the angel's distaste for anything demonic and Dean had the taint now. It was all over, Dean thought as he painfully made his way down the stairs. He'd had everything for a while and it was his fate to lose it all once again. Only this time he couldn't blame heaven or hell or Sam for it. It had all been his own doing.

"So, you are like Dean's guardian angel?" Dean heard Ben's voice in the kitchen, full of wonder.

"No. Guardian angels are a myth created by humans to feel that a higher power is looking out for them." He heard Castiel reply in his usual emotionless voice. "In reality, heaven couldn't care less about an individual's destiny."

Dean could picture Ben's face falling at that. By the sounds of laughing that followed, Bobby and Lisa were in the kitchen as well. What the hell were they still doing here?

"There you are." Sam's voice said from behind him. He turned around to see his brother holding a box and tossing the keys of the Impala onto the counter. "About time you woke up. Your fever broke last night. C'mon," Sam said as he ushered Dean into the kitchen. "Got you some pie."

This was not the reaction he had been expecting, Dean though as he was every face in the room light up at his arrival. Lisa took herself away from the stove long enough to give him a quick peck on the cheek and Ben hugged him tightly saying "Glad to see you are okay.". Through it all, Sam had his arm around his shoulder, as if to support him should his knees suddenly give out.

"I'm pleased to see you are feeling better, Dean." Castiel said from his chair.

"Cas here got his ass down from heaven long enough to join us for lunch." Bobby said gruffly. "Mr. high and mighty is usually too uppity to eat with us mortals."

"Lunch?" Dean said, confused. "What's going on?"

"Well, Bobby's made chilly." Lisa explained. "And now I'm fixing it. The thing he made would give an angel indigestion."

"I do not believe so. Angels do not suffer from the maladies that plague humans." Castiel stated in his matter-of-fact voice.

"Glad to see your sense of humor is as good as ever." Sam said, putting the pie in the fridge.

"What the hell is the matter with you people?" Dean shouted suddenly. "What's wrong with you? You all are just gonna pretend that the last few days didn't happen?"

"Dean, you are acting nuts." Sam said.

"No, you all are." Dean replied. "You can't just ignore everything that's happened."

Dean looked around at the shocked faces in the kitchen and walked out of the room before anyone could stop him.

* * *

"You should have killed me."

Dean was sitting dejected on one of the many rusting cars in the salvage yard when Sam found him. He should have expected this, he thought. They had all decided that acting normally was the best way to show Dean that nothing had changed, but clearly Dean's own guilt wouldn't let him believe that.

"You should have shot me as soon as I got infected." Dean repeated. "You did a massively stupid thing by bringing me here, Sam."

"I was trying to save your life." Sam replied.

"But you had no way of knowing that you could." Dean countered. "This could have ended so much more badly. I could have killed you or Lisa or Ben or Bobby. It was a dumb risk. And the things I said. How could they ever look at me the same again? How could you?"

"It wasn't you Dean, we all know that."

"Really? Because I don't." Dean replied. "It sure as hell felt like me. I didn't feel like I was possessed. My mind wasn't screaming for me to stop talking. I really wanted to hurt you all Sam and I meant every word I said."

"Yeah? Then say those things to me now." Sam said. "If you meant them, really believed them, you should have no problem repeating them. C'mon Dean, tell me how evil I am. Tell me how you want to kill me because you hate me, because I deserve it fro hurting you over and over again."

"Sam, c'mon-" Dean started.

"No, Dean." Sam interrupted him. "You need to realize that you are the most important thing in my life. You are the one who keeps me grounded, who keeps me on the straight and narrow. I need you for my own survival. And I'm not the only one. You are probably the best thing that's happened for each and every one of us inside. You are the only one who keeps this family together."

"What family?"

"The one in the kitchen." Sam said. "The one that's waiting for you to get you head out of your ass and have lunch with them. All of us Dean, we wouldn't be here without you. Ben and Lisa wouldn't be a part of my life without you. I'd have no reason to see them. Lisa couldn't ask for a better husband to keep her safe and Ben couldn't ask for a better role model. And I hardly ever talked to Bobby when you weren't there. I only called him for his help and that too rarely. And Cas, he doesn't come to earth unless you call for him. You are the one keeping this family together Dean and none of us want to lose you, for our own sake."

"It still doesn't change what I did." Dean said, looking at his feet. "It doesn't change what I said."

"Look, Dean, you had a good reason to say those things to me." Sam said. "God knows that I've hurt you in unimaginable ways. Trust me, I wake up every morning thankful that you can still look at me."

"Sam, please-"

"Dean, I can understand where you were coming from." Sam continued. "I'm trying to tell you that you are justified in hating me."

"I don't hate you Sam, you know that." Dean said. "That wasn't me saying those things."

"Oh, so you realize that, do you?" Sam's tone shifted. "You can't have it both ways Dean. You can't say it wasn't you for some things and it was for the rest. You can stop with the self-pity. Yes, a crappy thing happened to you and yes, as a result you are going to feel guilty for some things for the rest of your life, even if they were not your fault. But I'm not letting you push us all away for something you think was your fault."

"You really think they can- they can forgive me for everything?" Dean asked, cautiously hopeful.

"There is nothing to forgive Dean." Sam replied. "But if it makes you feel better, we all have already forgiven you. Look, Cas will be gone soon on his heaven business. Lisa and Ben are gonna continue their road-trip tomorrow and I found a hunt. So just spend this one day enjoying with your family. We all deserve it."

Dean nodded and they quietly made their way back into the house. They made it, Sam thought, it had been a close call and they had made it. They had gotten Dean back and there was no way they were letting him go again.

* * *

Alright, this part of the story is over. Next part would be completely independent. Tell me what you think.


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